The social distancing that has been encouraged throughout these past 6-ish months has been revealing for many of our characters.
For me, I keep asking myself, “Should I be enjoying this as much as I do??”.
And the other question that I am more hesitant to share: “Does this have to end any time soon?”
I know not everyone feels this way and that the distancing has been extremely tough for some (I definitely don’t want to discount that), but for me personally, it has only further confirmed who I am.
I am an introvert.
There are introverts, and then there are INTROVERTS. You know those personality tests you take to see what percent of whatever characteristic you might be? When I take the tests on what percent of introvert I am, the results read something like:
“Sheesh. You actually leave your home every once in a while? We’re not sure how that’s possible. The last time we saw this severity of introvertness was when Milton Waddams from the 'Office Space' took this quiz (think “stapler”). You should probably just go find that cave to live in now and stop trying to conform to society.”
OK...so maybe not THAT bad. But the results are in and I definitely run on the extreme end of introvertedness.
So how does this affect me spiritually? Why am I bringing this up on a church blog?
Because I think being an introvert can carry a unique set of difficulties. In our culture, (not only Christian culture, but in business and society at large), we are taught to be giving, outward, expressive, talkative and engaging. We are encouraged to throw parties, attend gatherings, join in on as many meetings and appointments as possible. To be busy is often exalted and multi-tasking is a desired skill set. Even alone time is more readily acceptable if it is “productive”: was it a time of prayer? Was it for exercise or Bible study? Will it serve an obvious greater purpose?
I have wrestled with the introverted part of my nature for years. I often get frustrated with the side of me that DREADS crowds and parties, can’t make small talk to save my life, and overthinks everything (E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.).
Simple questions like, “how are you doing?”, make this introverted brain roll with potential answers: Do they want a simple answer? Is this when I go deep? Am I still being authentic if I answer with fine, if life isn’t totally "fine"???
And being put on the spot is like a middle school nightmare of being caught in a school assembly in only your underwear (Introverts are also commonly known for their extreme feelings around things!!).
I don’t want to walk in a room full of people and absorb every emotion. I don’t want to be exhausted by interactions that last longer than two hours. I don’t want to “feel” every news story, struggle to verbalize my thoughts (writing is great!), or be so single-minded with projects. I often find myself just wanting to be…
Different.
And yet Psalm 139:13-16 says that God’s design of who I am was intentional from the beginning:
“For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.”
All of who we are, weaknesses and strengths, was created with intention. If we are only focused on ourselves, our weaknesses will frustrate us. But if we think that there may be a possibility of our weaknesses being a part of a larger picture, even creating opportunities to encourage others, we can trust that they have purpose.
God repeatedly encourages me by showing me ways I can use my particular nature to serve and love. He shows me that my calm sometimes helps others find calm. My depth of thought sometimes sparks conversation that others are craving, but they are not sure how to enter. My empathy, while sometimes a bit overactive, helps me suspend judgment and creates safe places for others at times. My weaknesses, both true and perceived, often seem to create space for others to offer me encouragement or support; something we all need to feel we can do for each other.
I have not arrived yet in fully understanding what limits of my nature to embrace, and which limits to push on so I can serve God at my best. But it is encouraging to remember that God has a plan for exactly how He created each one of us: weakness and strengths. Whether you are desperate for the end of Social distancing, or you are hoping for just a little longer; whether you enjoy the thrill of crowds and are always ready for a party or if your living room couch complete with blanket, book (and maybe one dear friend) is more your style, you are exactly as you should be.
