Six Signs You’ve Grown Cynical in 2020 (And How to Reverse It)

Few of us decide we’re going to be cynical…we just kind of end up there. How does that happen? 

How does a heart grow hard…how do you end up trusting no one…how does hope die? 

Cynicism grows in the hearts of far too many people, disciples included. Not only does it impact you at work, eventually your growing cynicism will tear at the fabric of your marriage and even at your relationship with your kids and your friends.  

Nobody likes a cynic. 

If you find yourself gradually growing more cynical, you’re not alone. 

The good news is you can beat it if you understand how it forms. 

So why do we grow cynical? 

Here are several reasons I’ve seen in myself and in others: 

The more you live, the more you know. And the more you know, the easier it is to grow cynical. This shouldn’t surprise us at all. Solomon said it 3000 years ago. The wisest man in his day had to battle cynicism at a very deep level (Ever read Ecclesiastes?). In Ecclesiastes 1:18, Solomon makes the link between knowledge and sorrow crystal clear: 

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. Boom. There it is.

Think of all you’ve seen in life. The heartbreak, the betrayals, the politics, the people you believed in who kept letting you down. 

You know too much. You’ve seen too much. 

And not knowing how to handle what you’ve seen and what you know creates an incubator for cynicism. 

2. YOU HAVEN’T GRIEVED YOUR LOSSES  

Life is a series of wins and losses. If you’re like me, you hardly notice the wins, but you feel every loss. 

For Pastor Carey Nieuwhof, he shares that years ago, a mentor pointed out to him that most pastors never grieve their losses. Every time someone leaves your church, it’s a loss. Every time you do a funeral, it’s a loss. And every time you can’t do what you hoped you could do as a leader, it’s a loss. 

Like him and some other pastors, most of us just stuff the losses; pretending they don’t matter. 

When Carey first realized he’d stuffed a lot of losses over his life, he cried. A lot. Like almost for a month kind of crying. That seemed to clear the backlog. 

Now, when he senses there’s a loss (even a small one), he grieves it before God. 

There’s a reason people in Biblical times would declare 40 days of mourning. I used to read those passages and think, “What’s wrong with those people? Why can’t they just go back to work?” 

Actually, there’s something healthy about grieving your losses. 

What do you need to grieve that you haven’t grieved? 

3. YOU HAVEN’T DEALT WITH YOUR ISSUES  

In addition to the losses you experience in life and leadership, we all bring baggage with us from the past. 

Many of us have run from dealing with our ‘stuff’ for years. Maybe we recommenced others go to counseling. But we would never go to counseling. We don’t have any baggage. How wrong that attitude is.  

I’ve spoken with many who have carried unnecessary baggage who as now incredibly thankful they found trained Christian counselors to help them work through their issues. 

4. YOU’VE PROJECTED PAST FAILURES ONTO NEW SITUATIONS  

When you don’t deal with your issues or grieve your losses, you end up projecting past failures onto new situations. 

Here’s how cynicism operates. 

Cynicism:

- Looks at a new team member and says, “I’ll bet it’s just a matter of time until he screws up”. - Looks at a new class of 9th graders and says, “They’re just like the kids who drove me nuts last year.” 

- Sees the newlyweds and says, “I wonder how long until they hit the rocks?” - Sees the new church and decides, “It will only be a matter of time until they implode too.” 

If you want to fight cynicism, stop projecting past failures onto new situations. 

5. YOU’VE DECIDED TO STOP TRUSTING  

As soon as cynicism gets a toehold in your life, you stop trusting. 

Because the next person is just like the last person, you decide that kind of people can’t be trusted. Or worse, people can’t be trusted. 

Really? 

Is that how you want to live? What kind of person does that make you? 

Or, without inducing a guilt trip, what kind of Christian does that make you (isn’t the heart of our faith forgiveness and hope)? 

If you want to kick cynicism in the teeth, trust again. Hope again. Believe again. 

6. YOU’VE LOST YOUR CURIOSITY  

I think an incredibly effective long-term antidote to cynicism is curiosity. The curious are never cynical. 

The curious are always interested, always open to new possibilities, always thinking, always hopeful.  

Because cynicism tends to ramp up with age, you’ll notice there are (sadly) a lot of cynical old people. My favorite elderly people are never the cynical, but the curious. The ones who at 80 are still learning, still open, still hopeful, still passionate about the next generation, still optimistic. 

When was the last time you were honestly curious about something? Pursue curiosity, and cynicism will die of a thousand pinpricks.